Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
