I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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