why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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