I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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