be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
