i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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