im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
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