I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
