College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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