I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Randomize
