i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
