glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Randomize
