the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
