I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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