Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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