Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Randomize
