I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
