I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
