Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Can't talk, ducks in the car
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
