You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Last time i carry you out of a forest
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
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