If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
