I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
You made out with two different species that night
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
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