You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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