my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize