PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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