Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
