it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
