remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Randomize
