could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
