spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
