Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Randomize
