Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
