I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
