Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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