How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Randomize
