If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
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