after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Randomize