I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
