he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
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