I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Randomize