Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Randomize
