3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Randomize
