once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
as a side note pls kill me
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize