My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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