well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Randomize
