she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize