She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Randomize
