Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
It's no shave November. This is our time.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
