dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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