The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
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