The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
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