just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
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