I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
