It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
