come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
