One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
