i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
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