so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
