he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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