I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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