tell your sister to shave her snatch
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
