Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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