i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
