Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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