I want to walk on stilts...naked
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Randomize
