I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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