Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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