guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
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